I was driving to my favorite coffee shop, Caribou Coffee, to work a bit on the blog, but not entirely sure of what I wanted to write about. I wanted it to be honest, true, and even a bit vulnerable, but unsure how and what to write. Of course, with God being who He is, on the drive over, the song “Beloved” by Jordan Feliz came on the radio. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard the song, if you haven’t you should definitely check it out here, but the lyrics start like this:
Those words “You are beloved” really resonated with me. The truth is, this semester, I have struggled with feeling good enough, and feeling unlovable. And that’s hard for me to admit to myself, and to you. I like to think I’m a solid Christian young woman who has it all together, who knows she is completed in Jesus and doesn’t need a man to complete her, and that God has a man out there for me and we’ll meet one day on His timing. The truth is though, that was becoming hard for me to accept and keep me satisfied. I attend a Christian university where by the time you’re a junior, it seems like everyone has this amazing godly relationship, all of a sudden my friends are getting engaged right and left, and I’m still sitting here, a girl who’s never even been on a date. I started thinking that there was something wrong with me. I thought, I go to a school where there of tons of Christian guys, in fact, I’m friends with a large number of guys, and none of them have ever had an interest in me. There must be some reason for that. In particular, one of my best guy friends, who I had feelings for for two years, never liked me back. It took me a significant amount of time to get over that. It made me think I wasn’t good enough, and there was nothing he did wrong to make me think this, it was all caused by me. I started analyzing everything, thinking there must be something, to the point where it consumed me. I started to doubt that I would never meet a godly guy who would love me in a romantic way. I started picking apart the physical aspects first, I wasn’t thin enough or pretty enough. Then I started thinking I wasn’t exciting enough, I was too boring or feel in whatever too something enough.
It can be easy to get caught in that trap when we're at this age, particularly if there is a pressure to find a husband quick, like there is in the Bible Belt South. However, do not buy into the lie that satan wants you to believe. You are enough, and you are exactly where God wants you to be.
If you have ever found yourself in a similar situation, let me tell you you are not alone. A lot of us, like to pretend that we’re immune to feeling that way. That we’re too grounded in our faith to let that feeling sneak in, but that is why I wanted to share it with you. YOU ARE BELOVED. I’m still in the process of rebuilding my self-confidence on relying totally on God, and believing that God has someone out there for me. So I invite you all on that journey with me. To be a generation of young women who claim Jesus as their true love, and who know their worth and own it with every ounce of their being. When the lies start to infiltrate that you are not worth it, remember that you are God’s beloved. And repeat after me, I am worth it. I am BELOVED.